So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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