Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
