dude i'm inner monologue high
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
