i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
