they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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