um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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