Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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