Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
