what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
