she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
