Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
