Your face is a jimmy john
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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