Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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