I hate your face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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