You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
