I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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