you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
