im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
