In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
