My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
