I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
