i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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