What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
