Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
