This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
