is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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