Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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