Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
