Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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