He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
