My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
