OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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