i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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