Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
