I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
kristin has been a bad kristin
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
