Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
