You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
