I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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