i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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