First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's blow job season.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
