Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
