I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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