I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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