I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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