awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
