okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
