How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We have so much sex to catch up on
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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