going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
