Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
