Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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