Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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