Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
