So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
