Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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