Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
